my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
