the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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