we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
