I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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