how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
