he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
