Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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