then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
