i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
