also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
