me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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