If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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