Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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