I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
