so that wasnt chicken after all
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
