So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
