You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
