the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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