her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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