3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
