in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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