I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
