You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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