So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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