I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
