sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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