I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
