I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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