I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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