and you said cock pushups were impossible
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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