So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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