Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
