That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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