dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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