well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
