I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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