What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
