the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
