At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
