i permit you to call me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
