guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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