i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
