I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
