I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
