Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
