my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
