dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
