I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize