If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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