Duck Duck Cougar?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
