somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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