Christians are straight up FREAKS
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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