Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
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We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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