Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
