Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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