Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
