Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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