that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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