Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
