i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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