Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
