you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
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My dick has a subreddit
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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