i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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