Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
