M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
