My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize